Reclaim Your Joy!

Have you found yourself saying “I’ll be happy once …” 

You can fill in the blank with any number of things. “I’ll be happy once COVID ends.” “I’ll be happy once I finally lose that weight.” “Once I change jobs.” “Once I move.” You get the idea. 

Does it seem like there are always reasons why you can’t be happy right now? Does it seem like there are always reasons to be unhappy, unsettled, ill at ease in your own life? 

Take my client Linda, for example. When I first started working with Linda, she described herself as stuck. Her job was okay, but she felt overworked, under-appreciated, and underpaid. New to her town, she wasn’t sure she was living in the right place. A busy Mom with teenagers and a demanding full-time job, she felt stretched thin. She could see the issues but could not see how to shift them. 

As Linda and I explored the underlying dynamics of her unhappiness, we discovered a couple of robust “saboteurs,” wreaking havoc in her mind. One was her “pleaser,” the voice that told her she was responsible for everyone else’s wellbeing – her kids, her husband, her boss, her staff, etc. It all rested on her. And her needs had to come last after everyone else’s had been addressed. Sound familiar? I think a lot of women are nodding their heads. 

At the same time, Linda’s “stickler” saboteur told her that anything she does, she must do perfectly. Her high standards coupled with her need to please conspired to ensure that Linda’s work was never done to her satisfaction. It was nearly impossible for her to meet her own expectations for herself. And because her “hyper achiever” saboteur told her that she had to make doing it all perfectly look effortless, she didn’t want anyone to know she was struggling to get it all done! So she suffered in silence. She found herself coming home from work, feeding the family, and then crawling into bed exhausted. She stopped being her usual exuberant self. She stopped living her life.

As we clarified the source of Linda’s unhappiness as the inevitable outcome of some very active saboteurs, Linda started to shift her focus from what was wrong with her life to what she really wanted. 

We find out what we really want, not by listening to our saboteurs, but by stopping to hear a different voice in ourselves. This voice is usually a quieter one, but a far wiser one. This voice comes from the part of us that sees what is possible for us. We call that voice our “sage”. The sage sees the big picture. She sees who you really are and what you really want out of life. She sees the good in you and in others. She holds your superpowers of empathy, curiosity, innovation and creativity, and your connection to your life purpose. Your Sage will guide you to your next best step. But, most days, your sage is drowned out by your very loud and annoying saboteurs. 

Consider a high peak moment in life. A time when you felt like you were in the flow. Things came naturally to you, almost effortlessly. Guess who was in charge of you in that moment? That’s right. It was your sage. Not, I repeat, not, your saboteur. Wouldn’t you like to live your whole life in that flow?

Now in touch with her sage voice, Linda saw clearly what she had to do. She gathered up her courage to ask for what she needed at work and secured a generous raise, more flexibility in her schedule, and additional staff assistance. It turned out that her boss was eager to keep her happy, he just didn’t see the problem because Linda had always handled every challenge with grace and excellence. Problems that aren’t seen don’t get solved! 

At home, Linda realized that her commute was too long, and she really didn’t like her house. She and her husband explored their options and found out that building their dream house was not out of reach, as they had assumed. Within the year, they had found the perfect lakeside lot, sold their home, and moved to a rental house closer to work while they build their new home. 

These are major accomplishments to be sure, but the biggest shift in Linda’s life was the ease and joy she now felt in her reimagined life. Far from stuck, Linda is dreaming big about her future, knowing that she has everything she needs to make her dreams come true. Although the path is far from smooth, Linda can face the inevitable challenges of her life with the knowledge that these challenges are not what define her. She is shaped by her ability to face each one with calm courage, to act appropriately, and to use the occasion as growth opportunity. 

Intellectually, it seems quite simple, doesn’t it? All you have to do is not listen to the negative voices and follow the positive ones. Easy, right? Easy in theory, but not so easy in practice. We all have become very accustomed to hearing and heeding the negative voices and not so used to recognizing the positive ones. 

That’s where Positive Intelligence (PQ) comes in. Think of PQ like a mental fitness gym that helps you train your brain to identify your saboteurs, stop them in their tracks, and switch to a more positive sage perspective, allowing you to respond to life’s challenges with clear and effective action. Some have compared using PQ to becoming a Star Wars Jedi warrior. We learn to engage the light forces (our sage) against the dark forces (our saboteurs). And, like Jedi warriors, we must practice in order to strengthen our ability to engage in this constant battle. 

I took the six-week PQ course myself and it literally transformed my life. All of the challenges of life were still there, but my responses to those challenges shifted dramatically. I was so much happier and better able to deal with them effectively. I felt lighter, more resilient, more peaceful. I learned how to quiet the constant hum of negativity that seemed to live in my brain. I was able to bring kindness to myself and others into my daily life. And, I will tell you, kindness creates a virtuous cycle that begets more positivity and love in your life every day. Karma is real, folks. 

Evidence shows that PQ practiced regularly actually changes your brain chemistry. The regions of the brain that control cognitive thought are strengthened and, at the same time, the parts of your brain that control automatic negative responses are weakened. These changes don’t happen overnight. They require time and habitual practice. Every day for at least six weeks to see lasting effects.

The power of this work is undeniable. It leads to enhance performance, better relationships, and, perhaps most important of all, enhanced wellness and peace of mind. Elite athletes use it to enhance performance (“choking” happens when saboteurs interrupt focus). Top executives and other professionals use it to hone their focus. Everyone can use it to build healthier relationships with those they love, and to cultivate peace in their lives. 

After having experienced the power of this work in my own life, I have decided to focus my coaching practice on sharing this amazing work with others. Clients like Linda. And you?

To get started, consider taking your own PQ Saboteur assessment. It’s free and it will help you see which saboteurs are active in your own life. It’s illuminating, I assure you. And, once you know what saboteurs you are up against, join me in working on diminishing their impact on your happiness. 

Whatever your do, don’t postpone joy! There is simply not enough of it in the world today.

Love and Peace,

Lisa